capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As shirtless as possible
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
