I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
