i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
