Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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