Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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