When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
