they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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