I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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