I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize