I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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