i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
