Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He passed out mid-signature
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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