Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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