I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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