we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
