Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
