i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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