STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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