I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
