My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
