nut hugger
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
