I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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