I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
