in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
