I'm going to jail i love you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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