I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
