i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
