She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
