11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no, he came in my armpit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
