I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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