five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize