just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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