i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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