i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
