Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize