Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
