she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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