She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
