Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
