i permit you to call me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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