can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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