Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
