When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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