Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
