What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize