I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
