thus making me awesome and them whores
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
