I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
