So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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