he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
