i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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