"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
