She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
