There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize