it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
