i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
