I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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