i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
