why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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