I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i think i just lost a toe
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
