i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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