idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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