how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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