It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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