ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
