Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
