Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize