Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
