So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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