I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
