So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize