Your dad touched me again.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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