I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
