apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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