from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
