sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
