omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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