this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
