I don't usually arrange sex via text message
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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