I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
