Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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