Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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