I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
