fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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